Girls like boys. Girls like girls. Boys like boys. Boys like girls. Nothing new. Loving someone we can not have. Loving someone that does not love us back. I think we all know that. I want to tell my story about my first heartbreak. It started when I was about 13 years old. My older brother had a best friend. And yeah, I fell in love with that guy. And as anyone would have been, I was too afraid to tell him. I was 13. I was a kid. He was 17 or even 18. That would have never worked out. I found out he had a girlfriend. And I was even more scared. My brother throw partys and I got to know her. She was nice and kind but I always thought that she was not the one for him. I do not know I just felt it. A few years later I could not keep that secret anymore. I told him. And he was like "You will find someone better." But I never wanted someone else. I lived on with the thought that we will never be more than just friends and that I will never be more than "the little sister". I hated that term. "Little sister". As if I could not decide by myself or as if I am not old enough to know what I want. So we lived on, saw each other not often but often enough to know that it was weird. And again a few years later my brother told me and our mom that this guy and his girlfriend are pregnant. He would become a dad and would have a child with that girl. I could not be happy about that. Because I was still feeling the same way about him. So a little baby boy was born and we still were kind of friends. No one out of my family ever knew what I was feeling for him. So they never thought about my reaction. He was in a relationship and I was unhappy. But one day, I have no idea how that happened, we were more than friends. We texted each other dirty texts and sent pictures. I know it was dumb sending pictures but he did too. We kept on doing it. I knew it was bad because he had a girlfriend and a child but I wanted him. That was all I could think about. We had this thing for about a whole year. In that year I thought about it a lot. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep. Nights, where I could not even sleep. I thought about it and came to the point that he was just playing with me. That I am nothing to him. Why would he do that? I did not know but I did know that we never actually had a real life thing and it would never happen. Because he was taken. In that moment nothing he could say meant something anymore. I was sure he was just playing. So I told him. He swore that it was not what I was thinking it was. So we kept on texting. And one day, I decided that I had enough. It did hurt. Knowing he will never choose me. It would never be me. I pushed him out of my life. I loved him and his brown eyes. The golden hair and all the times he was there for me. But I had enough. I needed to stop me from destroying myself. He was no good for me. I always thought he was an angel. But actually he was the devil. Making me crazy and calling me all the stuff I wanted to hear. I blocked him on social media and whatsapp. I never want to see him anymore. I went from love to hate in one second and it was the right thing. I wasted so many years for someone that was not worth it. Love. Hate. Such a fine line. Now I am free and able to live my life. A friend of us both told me he was thinking about breaking up with the mother of his baby boy. I do not think he will make it. And if he actually does, it will be too late for me to start over with him. It took my so long to get over him but I made it. It costs so much power, tears and breakdowns but I can say that I finally made it.