Honestly, I have never written my story down; maybe just because I think it's not that original, or maybe just because sometimes I fear that people won't understand why I can't get rid of it. But I know that, in this wide, wild world, at least one soul will get what I'm about to tell.
I know this is quite long, but I would be very grateful if someone took a bit of their time to read it. To read me.

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I was almost 14 when I met what we typically call "my soulmate". I sent him a text on a social media becuase I thought he was kinda cute. It was just a simple "hey". He replied two hours later and then we started talking until early morning. The way we talked, even though we had never met before, got me feeling so free to express myself. I felt special for the very first time. He texted me the next morning and we talked again about ANYTHING. The thing that I loved the most was that we could talk about very serious topics and then switch to silly conversations in 0.3 seconds, in both ways.
We built a very strong friendship. But I had already fallen in love with him.
He had a girlfriend at the time. You know, that kind of young relationship which starts in middle school; despite of that, he really liked her.
They broke up after a few months and he was completely broken. I was beside him all the time, trying to cheer him up, beacuse seing him broken was something I couldn't stand.
A few months passed and our friendship became stronger and stronger. My love did too. During the summer of 2015, we met up a few times and we texted the whole time about anything. We shared our experiences, we shared each other's worlds.
I was really happy about our friendship but I still wanted more. I knew I loved him, even though I was young. My young heart learned what love is by getting to know every side of him. I had to taste it.

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It happened on May 13th of 2016. It was a rainy Friday. He had invited me to his place. I knew that it was about to happen; during the last few months he had got closer and closer, and we had been about to kiss a couple of times.
So I went to his place and we started talking and laughing, until he told me to sit on his knees. Then he started kissing my cheecks until he reached my lips. After that, he kissed me again and again.
It was like a firework was exploding in the room. I remember that I thought "zero layers between us", just like the main character in "Looking for Alaska" by John Green. We spent the rest of the time kissing and kissing, just like we wanted to fill the time we had lost to reach that point. I thought I had him in the palm of my hand.
Then we got "officially" together. And I felt so complete, I can't even describe how happy I was. After one year and a half I finally got the thing I wanted the most in the entire world.
But, you know how it says, nothing lasts for ever.

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One day, he woke up and he didn't love me anymore. It can happen, right? But that wasn't the point. He just told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore, giving me no reason. So I told him to look into my eyes and tell me he was leaving me. He didn't. He started saying to try to fix things, and I agreed. But he didn't move a finger to fix us. I tried to create occasions to meet up, but he always told me that he didn't have time for me. Still, he didn't leave me. After a couple of weeks I got tired of feeling so broken and useless, so I showed up at his place and told him to break up once and for all. He didn't say a word.
He wanted to leave me but didn't want it at the same time. He wanted me to feel tired and broken of that situation so I could say "okay, let's break up", because he was too afraid to do it. It literally tore me open until the end.

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We haven't been talking for a long time since then. We destroyed everything we had had before we got together. Our dreams, our world, our silly conversations, they all were gone. I only had some pictures and a lot of words left unspoken.
Now it's been more than a year and we still don't talk a lot, even though we see each other every day (we're actually in the same class). And maybe that's why I can't get over it.
Now I've accepted what happened, but I still miss him. I think I'll miss him for ever.
Some nights I pray to wake up the next morning and don't feel anything for him anymore, just like he did.
The worst part of this is that, every single day, we act like nothing has never happened at all, we pretend we're strangers and we deny what we have been. And I know that it is so fucking wrong.
But, in the other hand, our story is incomplete.

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I hope that someone read my story. Obviously, it is more than the lines I wrote. Just like most stories are.
It's what made me the person that I am right now. I've changed a lot after all this.
If someone has ever found theirselves in a similar situation, you're not alone. And all you need to know is that time really heals, but it only heals pain, it doesn't heal the absence of someone who has been (and still is) a part of you.

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Hope you all have a good day. Thanks for your attention.

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-Black Cloud