yes, my own mother used to forget me. there were days that all she said to me in a day was 'did you clean the dishwasher?' and 'goodnight'. there were actually days she forgot to call me for dinner. days she forgot to pick me up at school when i was six years old. days she just forgot me.

and trust me, i know that a very big part of that is my own fault, because i locked myself away for years. i tried to talk to people as less as possible. but it hurts when your mother doesn't notice any of that. and because she didn't notice, i locked myself away even more. i talked to her even less.

she forgot to ask how my day was, and because of that it came to a point in life where she had no idea who i even was. she knew my name and she knew if i cleaned the dishwasher, and that was basically it.

i'm not the kind of person who shows her feelings, not the kind of person who tells you whats keeping her up at night. i am the kind of person who doesn't wanna scare you with the thoughts on her mind, the kind of person who has no idea how to talk to someone. i can't even talk to my own mother. i just have no idea how to say all those things to her. but that doesn't mean i don't wanna tell her the fact that she's forgetting me more and more.

because if even your own mother starts to forget you, who won't? who will remember you are sitting alone in your room? if even your own mother doesn't know who you are, who does? just tell me, who will remember that i'm still here, that i'm not invisible? please.

this is not in any way some kind of hate to my mother. just whatever is going on in my head. thank you.

dark black