Speaking about dying. Wat is that? WelI I'm not sure really I have never died. Although there were some moments when I felt like I was. Some kind of dead alive. Because sometimes we feel like that. You know, when you feel nothing but emptiness in your soul and that I felt it so much. Sometimes I need to wonder am I dead? What am I doing? And just like that it comes to my mind what do we do. What do we do be alive? I guess I just expect something or someone comes to remind me I'm here in this world. Still breathing. I guess sometimes I let life run and I sit to watch. Because making effords for this life is too hard, fighting is hard. Because when life hits you so many times you start to lose hope. I lost it. I've felt lost and I've felt empty for so long. I really got used to litte moments of some other feelings, but at the end empty was there, my partner. I never chose you but still here you are.
Do you like emptiness? Because I hate it. And I know it looks like a safe place, I know you get used to it so much that even the idea of feeling something else scars you. Trust me I feel that way. I have been so down, I've felt so worthless and I'm afraid to feel like that again. I'm just tired of people not caring of people hurting me. I'm tired of people feeling so comfortable saying everything they won't ever do.
But I've come to realize they won't ever be sorry. Life won't ask for forgiveness and this dude empty won't leave unless you take it out of you. Nobody will come to rescue you or fight for you. It is what it is.
What do we do then? What a question I know. But didn't you stopped to think that no matter what you lose or just how much life hurts you there is someone that is ALWAYS gonna be there with you? Don't look so much, is really close to you. You. It is you. Because when people leave, when you feel broken or sad, when life hits you to death no one can put you in another position but yourself. You are responsable for you. And tell me something if you don't stand up and fight for YOU who's gonna do it? I know it seems alot but don't you wanna know what is like to feel happiness, joy, love? You really don't want to? Allow me to say this, you are missing the BIG parts of life, just saying. I guess you've never felt that inside of you, that pride that also comes with this happpiness when you finally get something you fought for. And you fought so hard. And now you are complete because you made it happen. You never needed someone else to do it for you. You understood if you didn't say 'alright that's enough' you would have drowned. But now you will swim forever and you won't ever drown because you have the control of your life.