I think she is caught between who she is and who she wants to be.
Hi everyone. Today is sunday.
Tomorrow is first day of school. I am exciting because this year i am sophomore and kinda scared of my classmates because what if something happend over summer and the situation in class will be different.
So i deleted last article because i think that it was not good enough and if you read it you will see some same stuff from the last article.
Today i will write some stuff about my social problems.
I have problems to talk in big group of people. Usually i am the quiet one and talk sometimes but usually i just don't. This is not big problem you know but it kills me inside cause i feel like i am not normal.
For example my BFF she can talk to everyone and when i am with her and her friends i just follow them around and listen to them. And when i go home i feel horrible because why can't i be like her and have enough braveness to talk in groups.
I can talk to one or two person at same time but i am in constant fear what if i say something wrong and they will judge me or laugh straight to my face. And when in room full of people or when i am out and i am walking pass people i am scared what if i don't look good enough or when i wear something and i am scared that it is not good enough and i feel bad. And i know it is all in my head but i can't stop. I feel that i am always the one who ruins everything.
I was in depression and it was really hard period for me, i remember that i hated myself so much and i was imagine that i died and that nobody cares and that their lives are so much better without me. I didn't tell anybody what i was going through because i didn't have friends and i didn't tell my parents because they had so many problems with money and they still have.
But i was stronger and i am better now but still i am little depressed and have those times when i am in dark place again when i think i am not good enough and that nobody really likes me. But i don't want to go throw that time again. So i try to be positive. It's hard because i am not the fit or skinny one. I am fat girl. And i am working on it not just to lose weight but to be healthy girl and be happy and be more positive and to love myself and be confident.
The real problem i am fighting everyday is who am i really?
I have feeling that i don't know who i am, what is my thing.
And the last thing i will write today is that i have "friends" in school and i can talk to them because i have to talk to them i see them everyday and we have all classes together. And it is easier to talk to them instead some group of stranger.
This is really long article so i hope it is good and that you will understand me. Thank you for having some time for reading this.
I will try to post article every wednesday and sunday.
P.S. this was really hard cause i am scared of sharing this
That is all from me
I hope you will have a great day
Love you, guys
<Gabriela>
