I took a blade for the 20th time today.
I wanted that pain to go away.
I wanted to feel loved.
I wanted to feel safe in their arms.
They warned me to stay away from them.
But I didn't listen to them.
I thought they were wrong.
But they were right.
I cried over them, especially over him.
We had a 4-year relationship.
he made me smile even when I didn't want to smile.
He made me feel worth it.
I went up to him and he turned his back against me.
Instead of making me feel worth it
he made me feel worthless
Instead of making me smile he made me cry.
He made me feel like whatever we had together meant nothing.
but he never loved me enough to say hi to me.
I closed my eyes.
and thought
no one loves a girl who's 50 shades messed up.