That's the thing we try and we try or well I shouldn't talk for you. I need to stop doing that. I don't know why you feel like your mum isn't your mum or why it hasn't hit you that your lucky your brother is alive. I don't get why you smile when I can't see a reason for you to smile. I try. I try to understand why I love to hear you laugh. I try to put into words why I love you, I don't know if I 100% do. I don't know why you want to leave but I do know you want to stay or why you stress when you don't get a text back. I try to workout why you cry so much. I don't understand how you can care so much about something, I know you do. You put your heart and soul in at and then in moments you just stop caring. I can't get my head around that. I try. Why does at effect you so much? and why does it not? Why is your room a mess and you like the cold. I know that you feel these and I know that they happen. I know because we is me. I know because you are me. I just don't understand why they are the way they are.