Sometimes my non-caring feelings get over me and I feel empty .But not everyday kind of empty,the black hole in my cheast that eats every single emotion and all of my empathy and creates hate out of it kind of empty..
I don't like to think that I am hateful person but sometimes in the tiny little moment who feels like eternity I am that person .. And only then I think I'm worth of something,love,respect,caring ..
In those moments i create a spectrum of every single bad word someone said to me,of every single bad experience I lived through,everything bad collapses and creates a new me..
Those moments go away and I get into the everyday kind of empty.
But with every new hate I'm left with a scar,I'm left humiliated by myself..
I'm left .
Alone I crave these moments so I can feel special.
I love too much thats why I hate.
I love but no one wants my love,so I make something else out of it... hate
So I sit alone in my room and hate myself,with nothing left to gain or lose..