i have this urge to write something beautiful and poetic again. something that can explain every single thing i'm thinking and feeling. but i just can't seem to collect myself and do it. it's like i'm afraid of my own thoughts. like i'm afraid i'm not going to express myself in the correct right way. but i need to realize that i'm doing this for me. not anybody else. i'm doing this because i need this mess in my head, to finally be in order. so i would be able to talk about something without stopping in the middle of the sentence, to remember what it is i'm trying to say. it feels like i'm trying to say a thousand things at once, but i actually can't say one thing without feeling like it doesn't even matter. i would much rather just keep it all to myself, but i can't do that anymore, it has been building up and it just needs to get out of my head.