I just want to start off by saying that this life is SO incredible. The possibilities of the things that humans are capable of doing are absolutely limitless. You can literally do anything that you want to do. Isn’t that an awesome feeling? Although, things right now may seem impossible or even worthless, I’m here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, my friend. Disclaimer: This post may be somewhat all over the place, but I have a lot on my mind today so I just wanted to get it all out. Kind of like an open letter to myself or a feel good post. Also, the next few paragraphs are a short testimony, but if you just want a list of happy things to give you some motivation, then skip to the bottom 🙂

For months I had been in somewhat of a rut. I was constantly worrying and overthinking and letting fear and doubt completely control my life. It started out as a slight case of anxiety and into a downward spiral of depression. Most of my experience has been subconsciously blocked out, as in, I honestly can’t tell you anything that has happened in the last four months of my life. But I remember my thoughts along the lines of: what is the point of even living, I don’t understand why we waste time creating this whole life if nothing even matters because we all die anyways, I’ll never feel normal again, ect. It’s like I just realized I have to die one day and I couldn’t believe it. I was so obsessed with the thought of death and getting sick that I physically couldn’t live my life or think about anything other than that. And when I say obsessed I mean not a minute would go by that I wouldn’t think of it unless I was asleep. It affected my relationships the most because I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone close to me for a fear they would think I was crazy or just being dramatic, but it all seemed so real to me. I hit rock bottom and knew I had to do something.

One day I began to pray, read my bible, and journal how I was feeling and what I was thinking. At first nothing seemed to work and I was even more angry but I trusted God and kept going and slowly my thoughts started shifting. It was like one day I finally woke up and forgot I was supposed to be worried about something. I had coffee and planned a whole day with my boyfriend to go downtown and I actually enjoyed myself, for the first time in four months. It was the most incredible feeling ever. Before, I was so afraid to be alone with myself and with my brain. Isn’t that sad? Truly I believe you should be your own best friend and I hated myself. God gave me all of these amazing talents, abilities, and freedom to have ambition and dreams but I was too caught up in my brain to even think about using them. What is the fun in life if you can’t do happy things, things you enjoy, things that make you feel good? That is what this life is all about.

I was an ungrateful person before all of this happened, I will admit that. I was so caught up in what everyone else thought of me, what I thought of everyone else, what everyone else was doing, how many likes I could get on Instagram, ect. I was obsessing over my boyfriend and who he could potentially be snapchatting or why he hasn’t called and its already lunchtime, and this and that WHO CARES. I was wasting my life on these things that did not matter and things I could not control. Once I had my mental attack, I became a lot more grateful for things that actually mattered and set out to fill my life with things that I truly enjoyed because I realized how short this life really is.

I realized that this life is as wonderful (or terrible) as you make it. You can stay miserable, feel sorry for yourself, be ungrateful, be unhappy, feed into negativity, care what others say about you ect. but there is SO much to be happy about and even more to be grateful for. Life is too short to waste it on negative energy, feelings and sadness. Instead you have to get out there, let go, embrace the uncertainty, empower others, do things that make you happy, be brave, do something crazy, express yourself without being ashamed, wear what you want, do what you want, be who you want, be with who you want, follow an unordinary career path, ect. Whatever it is that fuels your desire, makes you forget to eat (but don’t), and lights that flame under your ass DO IT. And if you don’t know what you like to do or what makes you happy, if something pops into your head jot it down or just jump in and try. How are you going to discover your passion for karate if you don’t go to that class you’ve been dying to go to but are afraid to? I know that it may seem like you need to plan and have everything perfect before taking action, but you don’t. You just have to start.

And just a tip that I’ve learned, being alone sucks sometimes but sometimes that’s exactly what you need to discover what you love to do. When I moved away to West Virginia with my boyfriend I was so scared things would get worse. I was going to be alone a lot since he worked nights and would have too much time to just be with myself but it has been the biggest blessing and the best thing that has helped me work out my internal issues. It forced me to really face myself for the first time. It also helped me to discover how much I like to write and how I want to make something out of it. It helps you to realize how freaking awesome you are because let’s face it, you are. You are the only you there will ever be and have something to offer this world that no one else ever will.

I believe in you and think that you’re amazing and I promise how you are feeling right now is not the end of the world, although it may feel that way. It is part of your process and often the first step to being happier. It takes time but you will grow and discover things that you love to do and things that make you feel happy. Below I have cultivated a list of things that make me feel good and hopefully you will find something that strikes some motivation in you as well 🙂

50 things that make me feel happy/motivated:

Having Coffee/Tea
Picking fresh wildflowers
Spending time with my dog
Reading a book
Burning candles
Sitting around a bonfire
Seeing plants/greenery
Drinking wine
Making breakfast
Going on a hike
Listening to acoustic Spotify playlists
Cleaning my house
Buying/eating fresh fruit
Spending time with family
Going for a walk
Spending time with friends
Shopping for home décor
Binging on Netflix
Spending time with my boyfriend
Scrolling through We Heart It or Pinterest
A hot bubble bath
Doing nice things for people
Reading my bible
Trying new dinner recipes
Visiting farmers markets
Swimming in the ocean
Going to fall festivals
Working out at the gym
Planning anything (ex. my week, a birthday party)
Being around good company
Exploring new coffee shops
Taking photos
Eating Oreos
Dancing in strobe lights
A rainy day
Exploring a new city
Getting my hair/nails done
Re-creating drawings
Cotton candy sunsets
The feeling of having a productive day
Being disconnected from the world
Laying on the beach at night
Grocery shopping
Being alone
Getting fixed up and going out
Doing something spontaneous
You can either stay stuck in this crappy rut you call “life” or you can pick yourself up and actually live while you have the opportunity. And trust me, you are the only person who can change your attitude about it. You can turn to others to make you feel better but that feeling is only temporary. The only way out is through yourself and learning to love who you are and who God made you to be. Whether this is about discovering your passion, hobbies, or simply discovering what makes you feel good. You can do anything you want to do. Remember that. “You are a victim of the rules you live by.” –Jen Sincero. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing. Trust in yourself and trust your process. You’re too awesome to be sad and too unique to stay confined by mediocracy.
With love, Danielle

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