It's totally hopeless.

That's what I would say if someone asked me what my anxiety attacks are like. It's horrible how you can not control your right body, nor your thoughts. These pass like birds when they are frightened, and they are uncontrollable.

The pain I feel in my chest is not the worst part, because with that pain you know that your heart is beating, and that you are still alive. But there are days when the pain, the thoughts, and the feelings are so strong, terrible and uprooted ... That all you wanted was to be dead.

I usually think of death constantly, of killing myself to be more exact. Not just for having those moments, but because everything seemed worse than it really is. Especially the problems.

I am afraid of everything, and the sense of danger increases when I am on the street, it is almost palpable. Sometimes I think that if someone looks closely, they'll be able to read it in my eyes. Fear, despair, the cry for help emanating from them. I try as hard as I can normal always, control my expressions and my body. But it's almost impossible when all your body wants is to run aimlessly. It is very difficult to look good when you are not well.

When I'm indoors, or with a lot of people, I feel like a rat trapped in a trap. I can empathize with these small animals trapped in a cage, or aquariums. Not having freedom is horrible, And the worst of it is that the only person who can free me is myself, because it's all caused by the traumas of my head. But how do you break free when you sit in a maze with no way out?

I'm afraid of the way out that my mind invents in its moments of insanity. I'm afraid to listen to her and then, and even worse, I'm afraid that this outing is actually another prison.


P.S.: Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read my article. :)