Advice for myself and women who are in a situation like mine

walk away from half ass relationships.
if the person you're with is not sure about you,
or treats you like a spare,
walk away.
if it's not a real relationship and if he's not sure about wanting you or tries to change you so you can become the person he wants you to be, he doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
do not settle for this, never settle for this.
You deserve someone who knows your worth, who wants you at your worst and best and who tries genuinely to help you when somethings wrong, the way you want to and need to be helped.
Not by hurting you or making things worse.
So walk away like the strong woman you are, even tho it hurts, and even tho you love him.
You gotta put yourself first sometimes.
Do it and do not regret it, you deserve better.