So I want to get this off my chest because I know I can write it down without getting judged here.
The doctors told me at the age of 14 that I had a tumor in the cerebellum. And if I waited longer, they couldn't have done anything for me anymore. After the surgery, I couldn't talk, walk, write, sing ect. like before. Every little thing I had to learn again. This time wasn't the hardest I've had in my young life. I'll tell you why. Because of this I got bullied in school ALOT. I didn't understand why because I learned that this behavior I had was normal after the surgery. People can be so so damn cruel. I got depression at 16 and went through the deepest shit I could ever imagine. I went through alot! I wanted to kill myself so many times that I still dream of that sometimes (I'm 22 now). I was OUT OF CONTROL and I had boyfriends I didn't love. I know this is abominably. But I couldn't be alone. I was so afraid of it because I had no good relationship with my mother. And I couldn't stay at home at all. I needed to get out and be with friends. But I loved to be alone. This is so insane...
Around January 2012 I met the reason I almost killed myself on July 2nd, 2013 (my 18th Birthday). I was in therapy two times and at 18 it got a little better. I got a new boyfriend who I was friends with before and I thought this could be really serious. But at the beginning of the relationship, I got an eating disorder. My life turned out so horrible after 7 month of being into it that I almost lost EVERYTHING. My family, my friends, my boyfriend,... I literally stood on the edge of the end. Of course my depression got more and more heavier because of my eating disorder and vice versa. And I couldn't do this anymore. I was ready to die. I lived in hell for 6 years. THIS TIME was the hardest time I've ever had in my young years. And I know these diseases are FOREVER. But I promise I'm going to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY till the day I'm really dying!! I met my new boyfriend on July 15 this year. We haven't been together for so long. But he already showed me that life has a meaning. I want to live! I want to experience alot in life and I want to fight. Even if it's hard. Because this fight is nothing what I've been through before. And life is too beautiful to give up!