The days were getting darker and colder,and my heart was following the curse.
I think,I overcame a lot of dark things this winter. They were trying to push me off of a cliff, trying to set me on the wrong path and making me play with the demons in my head.
I felt it all. I felt spiders all over my skin,making me shiver from fear and hopelessnes.I felt lonely. I wasn't alone, I was surrounded by the most important persons in my life,but I was lonely. Lonely like an abandoned house in the depths of the forest.
I was lonely because I was screaming out for help. I was lonely because my screams weren't taken seriously.And then the screams became whispers. And the whispers turned into silence.I carried the world upon my shoulders,but now silently,not to bother anyone.
It wasn't all jokes,I think you know it now. It was staying up all night thinking what I did wrong to deserve this,it was crying on the bathroom floor,it was losing myself and becoming a complete stranger. It was confusion and unanswered questions,anger filling me up,sadness taking over me and making me lose my mind. It was me,but it wasn't me. I was hate, I was sadness,I was heartbreak, I was worthless, I was hopeless.
You never quite undestood that,did you? I was not quiet about my pain,not with you. Support was all I was ever asking for.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,but the silence of our friends.