I used to be really good at writing. teachers would compliment me for my creativity and i felt confident and good about my skills. that was about two years ago then it was all of a sudden a summer passed by and boom, next school year i found myself dreading it, i had to write school papers (obviously) and id freak out because i started to get bad grades and i was like what? whats happening to me?? i didn't understand why all of a sudden all my creative juices started to drain and school papers were strict and didnt let me express myself. i used to write in my diary alot and i just stopped and now looking back i treasure my thoughts and feelings in those words like gold because i wish i could remember what was going on inside my mind during those times of my life. but sadly blank pages with a huge date gap in between the excerpts remained. im a smart person and i know that the longer i go without strengthening my brain muscles the weaker they will get and i'll find that creativity will be more of a struggle and i'll just get lazier and lazier and it will be too hard to start again, and that is exactly whats been happening. ive been unable to start writing anything because i will have mental blocks and writers block that i have been getting more and more. and its my fault for letting it get this way and im going to try to start back up again, i just wish i didnt dread it as much as i do, i used to want to be an author. i know that not all is lost and the wheels can start turning once i activate them and the dust flies off, its just a matter of how much work i put into starting back up again. at the end of the school year this past year i finally got an assignment in english that i had full creative choice over, and i had a huge list options to choose from and i chose to write a three page long alternate ending to romeo and juliet. i was put under alot of stress with this, it was finals week and i had to create a music video for my video production class under specific rules (by myself) which is alot of work i might add... and studying for finals tests for my main classes and anyways you get the point, i had alot to do in a week. i spent two days, i believe, writing that story, and knowing me, whenever i tell myself "im going to write a little or just enough" i go way overboard (teachers tend to love or hate it depending on how good it is) so the first night i was all going crazy i was staying up into the early morning hours trying to think of a freakin idea for the story and it was chaos for my brain and my health and wellbeing in general. because i havent worked my writing gears in a long time it was pretty difficult thinking of a super creative and weird story, because i am a very weird person and i talk alot as you can tell, basically my style of writing is like im in an actual conversation with my readers and i rant and go off topic but its very raw, anyways it was a stressful night and i woke up exhausted like always and during school i obsessed over coming up with ideas for the story. during 6th period, which is my english class, my teacher kind of expected most of us to be either done or finishing up our projects and she asked me how i was coming along and i gave a nervous laugh and said something along the lines of "i could be better". some time that day i came up with my weird idea, i would make paris and tybalt gay. so basically in the story, paris and tybalt are very masculine characters and are very vital to the story but don't come in contact with eachother during the actual story but i basically, not only rewrote the ending, but rewrote the story in more summarized version but it was still pretty long. that night i powered through and got high off starbucks refreshers and ran around my living room to wake myself up. the next day i spent it finishing the story since i wasnt able to the night before. ive noticed i end up working best under time constraints and pressure (which isnt healthy at all i might add). but during the period we had to present our projects in one way or another and thats fine with me but this story was really weird so i was pretty anxious about it but it came my turn and i got up all tired and the whole class was dead silent (because the previous presenters were boring) anyways the story was on the big touchscreen tv looking thing on the board (obviously not sure what its called) but i could slide it and i could read the entire story off the screen. i began to read and i could tell people were confused for a bit but they started to catch on and my confidence started to build as not only the class started laughing but the teacher was laughing at it too and my story was like a gay emo fanfic and the more i read it the more they laughed and honestly it was one of the best feelings because im not really a funny person unless if im around friends or people im close to that get my humor and hearing so many people laugh was the best gift in turn for all the hours of work and stress i endured. at the end i heard these guys tell the teacher i should get a 100 for it and my teacher agreed and i did get a 100 for this major grade that ended up boosting my report card grade to an A which was the first time that happened in that class all year. hard work pays off and sometimes you have to really push yourself and do something out of the ordinary to get the feedback you want and being weird is good and i really want to get back into the groove of being a writer because i do think that i can be good if i really try, maybe this could be the rebirth of a writer?