Hey everyone!

I suddenly felt the urge to write and if you or someone you know is struggling with depression, then this article is for you. You are not alone!

So...

Somewhere at the end of July 2017, like a week after Chester Bennington's death, I had a huge breakdown. I woke up the day after drinking heavily, still a bit buzzed and life was unbearable. I wanted to end it all in that moment. I thought I was going insane and I cried a looot. It's really hard to describe what I was going through but it sucked! That was it for me. After years and years of feeling like shit, I've finally had enough. There were 2 options...killing myself or get help. Since I never tried to get help before, I called the suicide hotline for the 1st time in my life and the nice lady that answered the phone kinda calmed me down. Then few minutes later came a panic attack. It was a horrible day.

But to make this story short(er), I agreed with my parents to try psychotherapy. We found a private therapist online and I got my 1st appointment ever. I knew deep inside that I needed help a long long time ago.

I always thought everything will just pass someday, that it's just some teenage bullshit I have to deal with. I'm 25 now and nothing has changed. Chester's death had a huge impact on me as well. It made me realize that I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to battle with depression every single day for years and years ahead. It was too much already.

Anyhow, after a few sessions my therapist told me I have depression. It was hard to hear that, even though I already knew. She suggested me to first try taking some herbal capsules but it was a waste of time. I had to go to the psychiatrist to get the real thing. Antidepressants. I started taking them 2 days ago. 1 pill, once a day. So, that's basically it. Therapy and pills will be a part of my life now for awhile and I have to accept it.

Depression is a serious illness. It can happen to anyone. Don't be afraid and don't be ashamed of it. If you have a family that loves you, friends that love you or a boyfriend/girlfriend that loves you, please tell them how you feel. Even if they don't understand you (like mine don't), they will support you. Don't wanna talk to them? Fine, then talk to a doctor. Whatever. It hurts to keep it all inside.

If you think you need help, then get it. Just try.

I never thought I'd post my story publicly but maybe someone stumbles upon it and feels at least a bit better.

Thank you for reading.

XOXO