I drove all night. My thoughts of you were killing me. I tried to tell myself that it was only a two hour trip. It was more than that obviously. I kept driving with you floating on my mind all the way. I pulled up on your driveway. You were standing there... in your porch waiting for me. And I swear your smile could light up the world. How I wish that happiness was caused because of me. But I knew better - you were completly drunk. Your breath of whiskey could be sensed miles away.
I felt your arms around my waist.

Take me home. - you said

You're home. - I told him, almost whispering

No, not that kind of home. Take me into your arms, please.

His words were so gentle but they felt like knives cutting through my chest. I couldn't handle the pain. Cause he was just a drunk guy in his front porch saying a bunch of shit he didn't mean. I swallowed dry.
So I hugged him back. I made him a cup of tea and helped him getting to bed.
I deserve better, I know I deserve better than you.

You're so beautiful. - his words coming from his not sober mind. - I don't deserve you. I never did. I'm sorry.

And that's how it is. He doesn't deserve me and I deserve better. But here I am, standing with him one more time. People would say we are in love but in fact he's just drunk and I'm intoxicated by him. Both not sober in some kind of way.
His love for me always comes and goes in waves, it always does.
When he finally fell asleep it was my time to go. I looked at him... I knew I couldn't keep doing that. I was harming myself.
We didn't have a proper goodbye. I just changed my number so he couldn't call me anymore. Because sometimes it's better to let go even if you wanted to stay.

-- JudithTR