Is it a way out?
Can I gain control again?
My thoughts don’t seem mine anymore. I wish I could explain how I get here, when I try words don’t come out of my mouth, I’m speechless, I feel numb. My brain doesn’t work properly, I’m 19 and it feels like I’ve been living under the water, always grasping for air. The years went by, a blur that I can’t never make sense of, suddenly I was almost an adult and couldn’t recognize myself. I know it sounds like I am crazy, like I just need to get my shit together. Nobody knows how many times I’ve tried to make it work, to get it out of myself, to fight it, to not listen to it, to try and reason with it. I’ll admit that my efforts sometimes work but I don’t always have the strength to fight.