This article will tell a the story about how I went through the motions with my first love. *I have changed the names of everyone within my story


Before we dated

Jamie and I both knew of one another before we dated. Before we dated I could not stand Jamie. Why you ask? I have no clue. Anytime he tried to talk to me I would be a total bitch towards him. Like he could be looking my way and i'd look at him and be like "what the fuck are you looking at?!" I loved his little brothers so much. they were my friends. But when it came to him I hated him. I remember one day while we were on the bus to go home, he thought that I couldn't hear him, because I had my earbuds in my ears, he said "Melody looks like an African Queen". Honestly that's the nicest thing I have ever heard a boy say about me, besides being called beautiful or pretty.

Approaching the Dating Phase

So his 9th grade year my 10th grade year we began to flirt on the bus. I don't understand how I started to develop feelings for him, but I did (not saying it in a bad way). I think it was the dreads. But it all started one day when I tried to give his youngest little brother hug and Jamie was in the seat across from me and stepped in front of me and said "no! don't hug my brother!" I was like "Boy move!" and he was like "no!" and then he tackled me. Then I said " why can't I hug my friend?!" and he said "because you didn't give me a hug first". So I gave him a hug and then I gave his brother a hug. I remember he used to lay down in my lap and I would play in his hair, but that was when our relationship was super innocent. Honestly we only talked for a couples days before we started to date.

Monday| August 24, 2015 💍 💕 🔐

I remember this day when I got home Jamie and I began texting. And he said that he wanted to ask me something. Of course, I already knew what it was. So I said " okay, go ahead". And Jamie was so scared to ask me. I had to continuously tell him to ask and that I wasn't going to make him feel embarrassed. After about 10 minutes, he finally said "Melody will you be my girlfriend?" and I responded "Yes". I swear I was the most excited girl on the planet. No, Jamie wasn't the cutest person to others but in my eyes he was the cutest person there could ever be. Everyone has their flaws and just want someone who accepts them. Okay so after two days I broke up with Jamie because I was scared to fall in too deep and get hurt. But Jamie begged me to stay, like he told me he loved me after two days and it kind of scared me. After turning him down a several times. Jamie finally gave up ... at least that's what we both thought. he said that " he didn't want me anymore because one of his friends wanted me" but a couple hours later he said that he doesn't care about his friend wanting me, he wants me for himself. So I took him back as my boyfriend, because I truly did like this boy so why just leave him in the past and not even give him a chance. I remember some days he used to sing the song to me called "I do" ( the link is below). When he would sing the song to me I wpuld tell him to hush because he was too loud and that I loved him too.

Our First Kiss 💋

Jamie and I literally did not have our first kiss until October, two months later. This is how it happened. So we were at a school dance. And I'm not going to lie I twerked on Jamie cause you know that's what people do at dances. Well, while I was twerking on him, he backed up. And i'm just looking around like what happened? did I do a bad job? Actually, no I didn't. I did a fantastic job. He only backed up because he couldn't handle the booty. 😂 He wasn't expecting my little bitty booty to move the way it did. But anyways, after that he wanted to be all hugged up on me in front of his friends. He tried to pull me into a corner and kiss me but I wasn't down with it at first. But after a while of standing with me friends I got bored and left them. I went back over there with him. And of course he was standing behind me with his arms around me, I honestly felt so safe in his arms. I turned around and grabbed his face and kissed him and turned back around. And then after a bit we kept doing little kisses here and there.

The Word Spread 🗣️

After the dance of course everyone knew that we were together. And no I wasn't ashamed of him and he wasn't ashamed of me. He was like my best friend, we told each other everything. People always called us "goals" when they saw us together. People thought that we had the best relationship ever. But that was just them on the outside looking in. Jamie and I were having a good relationship till people found out: not saying that I wanted to keep our relationship a secret. Everyone finding out cause our relationship to go down hill. I feel that if we would've kept out relationship "Low-Key" then our relationship would've been better. So my advice to you is when you are in good relationship, DON'T let everyone know about it or let everyone intervene. I'm not saying keep this person a secret from the world but DON'T let people ruin your relationship. DON'T let how people feel about the person you are dating take over how you feel about that person. No matter how good they make it sound, if you really can see yourself with this person within the future DO NOT let anyone tell you that you are wrong for being with/ loving this person, because of their very own deception of this person. NO matter what follow what your heart tell you.

The Avalanche 😢 💔

The very first situation we had i dealt with it in the completely wrong way. And it was something stupid of me to get mad over looking back at it. Okay guys, So here is what happened. So one day one of Jamie's friends asks me Jamie and I were still dating. And i responded " yes, why?" And he says, " oh because yesterday on the bus Dee had propped her leg up on him and they were play fighting." So me being the "shy" person that I have always been says " oh really okay thanks." So when I see Jamie on the bus I don'd even sit with him I sat with my friend LaLa. He sat behind me, and then taps me and asks whats wrong with me, I respond with "nothing" and start to laugh. Of course I dodged him throughout the day because I didn't want to see him. yes, I cried throughout the day, if you were wondering. When I finally saw him in the hallway he asked me why i had been crying, I responded " how do you know that I have been crying?" As he hugged me he said " Because I know my Girlfriend. Now tell me what's wrong" I told him that I would tell him at lunch. FAST FORWARD TO LUNCH TIME | WE sat together and I told him what I had been told and he explained himself. He explained that those things did happen but not because of him because of her and he also said that he continuously told her to stop. I just forgot about it because I didn't have time to hold grudges on anybody but when I did see her I honestly did want to react. I mean who wouldn't though, What girl is just going to let some other girl mess with her man. I might not have physically beat her ass but I most definitely kicked her ass by showing her whose he really was. And I must say I did a damn good job at it because the little bitch didn't mess with him again.

cat, animal, and kitten image

But this is just one of our MANY situations. I am only going to tell the one's that I can remember fully, Because there were honestly so many it's hard to keep up. I don't know why I would want too keep up with them but I do sometimes. Only because they be over the dumbest thing honestly. But he is/was my baby, so of course I was down for whatever was to come our way. We both made a promise to always be there for each other. I told him that I was his R.O.D. and I meant that. That's the one thing I would never go back on my word about. All because he is one person that I truly do not play about. My "Best Friend", LaLa, recently got into an argument over Jamie. But you know it's my own fault I allowed my friends to get too comfortable knowing everything that goes on within my relationship and making decisions for me. So, now they, well she, feels as though she can control who I date or talk to. And I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry, that I am no longer having that. She is unhappy because nobody wants her and all of our friends have boyfriends or talk to somebody except for her and she wants me to be unhappy just like her and it is not going to fucking happen. So this is how the argument went:
🌻Me- "Lexis I think I want to talk to Jamie again since he's back in town"
🌻Lexis- "Do what your heart feels. I mean I think you should if you feel that he's a better per-"
🌻LaLa- " I knew you wanted to get back with him! NO!"
🌻Me- " first of all I wasn't talking to you! second I can talk to whoever the hell I want to!"
🌻LaLa- "No Melody!"
🌻Me-" I am tired of y'all people thinking y'all can tell me who I can and cannot date! If I wanted to talk to him I would!"

I can honestly say that every since we had that argument our friendship has not been the same. I distance myself away from her and many others. I keep my conversations with her short. I don't need for anyone that's younger than me, who know's WAY less about being in love with someone, than me and the next person put together, to tell me what in the entire hell to do! If you just allow many boys to do as they please to you, I'm sorry i have no respect for you anymore. If you are just a quick fuck for these boys that don't even want anything to do with you, then don't tell me how to go about my relationship. NO MATTER WHAT!! LaLa will NEVER EVER have space to give me relationship advice or tell me that someone doesn't love me or anything because she knows nothing about a relationship AT ALL! She fucks with every bodies man and still thinks that it's cute?!?! It was not cute, it never was cute, and it never will be cute. We are FUCKING seniors! She needs to put on her big girl panties and GROW UP! Stop talking like she's a child. Stop acting like she's a child. Or maybe, just maybe, she could stay completely away from me because anytime that she comes around now I truly do get a really bad vibe.
But back to the story. The next situation that we had within our relationship was when someone had told Jamie that I had hugged one of my ex's in the hallway. Before I go any further let me explain this part, I technically did not hug him. He hugged me, He knew that I had a boyfriend, Her knew that he wasn't supposed to be on me. I shook him off, He should've caught the hint. But back to the story. So me and Jamie didn't talk that day because of that. And so later he tells me "oh since you hugged ya ex, I hugged this other girl." So after that every time I saw her I would turn to him and say " there goes your little girlfriend, you not gonna give her a hug?" and he'll ignore me. Or sometimes he would say " Why are you so jealous? You scared somebody gonna take me for you? I don't want nobody but yo jealous ass" And on the inside I would be doing cart wheels but on the outside I just smiled really big and blushed or probably kissed him.
I will never forget the time all of my friends cussed Jamie out, because he cussed me out and said that he wanted me to pay him all the money that he had spent on me back. Okay so we are gonna pause right here. Let's get one thing straight, I don't need ANYBODY to spend a dime on me. My mother has taught me how to be independent. I do not ask anyone for anything, if someone gives me something it's because they wanted to. I am not the type of person to want or to need for material things. I am not a materialistic person at all.

We have broken up and gotten back together so much, people around us new that we were never gonna be truly done. Other girls knew not to mess with Jamie, and other guys knew not to mess with me. Half because I am rude as hell to other guys. To be honest we were kind of like the same person except his temper was so much worse than mine.

After Anniversary Chaos😱

So several days after our 1 year anniversary Jamie decided to prank me. It went EXTREMELY way too far! So here's how it happened. So i went and gave Jamie a hug at lunch, because I never wanted to sit with him and his friends, cause I didn't like them. So he tells me that one of his friends were talking about doing something to me, I don't remember that part. And then one of his other friends walk up and says something smart to me. So I smacked him but softly and in a playful way because he was the only one that I felt was cool. So Jamie says "no, Melody move. We not together no more". So I said "No, stop fucking playing with me! I ain't going no where!" and then he pushes me off of him. So I go and sit down. And about 10 to 15 minutes later he turns around to me (I sat at the table behind him) and says " I want the letters that I wrote you on our anniversary back" and I said "No!" and turned back around. Then after third period when I was saw him he walked up behind me and says something, I couldn't hear him because I had my earbuds in. But I gave took the letters out of my bag and pushed them into his chest and walked away. And then when I went to my Fourth period we had a Freedom Friday, This is where you talk about your problems with your classmates and counselor and no one is allowed to tell anyone on the outside, and i told my classmates and one of the guys said " do you want me to beat him up for you?!?". Of course I said no. I saw Jamie again at the end of the day when I went to the gym for volleyball practice and he was leaving out. He tried to hand me my letters that I wrote him back but I told him I didn't want them. And he went over to the trash can and ripped them up and walked out of the gym. I shed a couple of tears and I did terrible in practice. We texted later on that night and he told me that it was supposed to be just a prank but it went too far. And I agreed. And then he told me that he had burned the letters that he wrote to me. I was honestly sad because I truly did want those back.

Dreary😞 December ❄️

So at the school that I go to we go to school we go to school for three months and get out for three weeks. Well before our Christmas break (2016) , Jamie decides to leave the school all together and not tell me. He felt that since that since me and him didn't talk anymore he didn't need to tell me. You guys wanna know how i found out? So I am guessing that he gave one his friends my information. This is how the conversation went:
🌻Jaylen: you know Jamie is gone right?
🌻Me: What do you mean he is gone?!?!
🌻Jaylen: He is gone...
🌻Me: Like he moved gone or dead gone?
🌻Jaylen: He moved with his dad
🌻Me: Okay. Thanks for telling me!
I truly did cry guys. So of course I texted Jamie, this is how that conversation went:
🌻Jamie: Ummm I'm sorry... I wasn't sure if I needed to tell you because we don't talk anymore
🌻Me: IDC Jamie! I still want to make sure you're good no matter what! You know that I''m always gonna ride for you!
... sorry guys I don't remember what he said after this because we started talking 24/7 again after this.
We actually started dating again on Christmas. But then about 2 or 3 weeks later he stopped texting me back for a week and then text me saying that he cant be with me because he can't trust me. Now y'all know I'm not stupid right? He just wanted to break up with me so he wouldn't "feel bad" about fucking on these other girls that's gonna let him do as he pleases with them. And he knows that he's not going to get that from me, because I have goals for myself unlike some of these girls our here just letting any and everybody fuck on them. My mom always tells me you cannot control anything but you vagina. Meaning if you do not want to fuck til you 33 then you don't have to. No matter how much he begs, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!

The Good Times

... I will type this portion tomorrow