October 15, 2016
"I do not understand the two of us. We are so different, without thinking about the fact that we fight all the time, we rarely agree on something, and one can not understand the other, and this usually generates an endless series of contagious discussions with no means or end in which One of us ends up losing. All this could be considerable, if not for the fact of being completely crazy about the other. I do not know how or why, but being close to you makes me feel good, but I do not think I've ever had something so confusing as our relationship.
I could spend a whole day talking about how much I hate you, without even hating you.
Maybe my heart is not frozen as I thought, maybe one day we'll be able to work, maybe we'll take pride away.

Yeh, I know, I'm complicated, impulsive, and selfish. But the fault is not entirely mine, I'm like a cold and confusing storm, and you're afraid of a mere little rain.
Before I met you I did not think I could look at someone and smile for no reason, you mean? You used to go to the library with me!
Before I met you, I did not know I could be more sarcastic than normal, and that is extremely dangerous. You awaken my best and my worst side.
We are in this for three years in a row, with ups and downs, and go for me "we do not talk anymore " may be one of the saddest things you can say.

Sometimes I wonder how much you liked me and I just threw it away.
I like people who are not afraid to be sarcastic and say what they think, I do not like such serious people, and you are like that, you know ...we can be different but we have the same flaws.

Well ... sometimes we give those cheeky looks just like cliches, and by the way, you're too cliché, and that annoys me, but what does not piss me off?

I still remember how we started talking, I really like talking to you, you make me laugh, and sometimes it tells me what I want to hear and also what I do not want (especially what I do not want).
I think that's when I started to get interested in you, I just did not want to admit it, maybe it was because I was scared, afraid to hurt myself, I guess.
And you know what? It hurts me to admit it, but we're cute together, will!
We're friends, who talk like they're something else, and that's usually enough for two teenagers who are afraid to love each other.

Let's say you're like fire and I'm the ice, you're like the sun and I'm like the moon, you're the air and I the water, we're opposites and that's how it works.
We atracct but we get distracted easily.
You look me in the eyes for too long to "not feel anything for me." Everyone knows ,everyone talks, it's like they all know more than we do.

I will try to explain better. I am a paradox. I want to be happy but I think of a lot of things that make me sad. I am lazy but also ambitious, I do not like me, but I love being who I am,I say I do not care, but I care, I want attention,and I reject it when it comes to me.
I am a conflicting contradiction.
I'm a mess, and I do not know how I thought I could be different with you. I always try to convince myself that I do not care about you anymore,but I always find myself thinking of you, besides you're all over, I do not know why I miss you .
We technically never really dated, is not an ex-boyfriend, is an ex-something or an ex-maybe or ex-more or less, well the thing is that anyone who reads this will know that I am an extremely bipolar."

With, not technically love, Allie.