For those reading this,this is a 5 part series. This isn't an easy topic to talk about at all. What past is perfect, right?

My past consists of self harm. I didn't use a razor like some people may use. I used a towel, a knife, a pencil, an eraser.. Whatever I could find around. It was temporary relief and it felt good at the moment. But the fact that it hurt and the wounds burned was an adrenaline rush.. I think the cutting started when I started getting bullied. And with the bullying, came my depression. With my depression came my anxiety. You see, depression and anxiety doesn't mix well with each other. It destroyed me. So that's where all my cutting and suicide stuff came from.

I looked at myself and told myself," You're ugly." I hated myself. I degraded myself.. All my life, I've either had tell me that i'm pretty and some tell me that I was ugly. I believed the people who told me I was ugly because once you've heard something over and over again, you start to believe it, of course, because my mentality was absolutely terrible. A lot of people have called me crazy and weird and attention seeking. But I assure you that self harm is no attention seeking, it's.. it's way of letting someone know you need help.

I believed for a long time that no one would love me because ha, who would love a girl with scars and cuts, right? I felt so .. lost and alone because I felt like no one was listening and I was just screaming and no one could hear me. I involved too many people with my problems. Too many friends. One of my really good friends didn't know what to feel about it. And got really upset about it. I regret bringing the people I did into my problems. They didn't deserve it at all. And I'm sorry I put them through that.

Today, I look at my scars and think to myself," Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you hurt yourself?" But then I also realize that my scars will be here forever and I'm going to have to except that for the rest of my life.

It took 7 and a half months to officially get my head straight again. With the help of my mother and the amount of support I have had from friends, I'm happy. I'm happy with the way things turned out for me. I have family that supports me nonstop and I have friends who encourage me to be me. So, if you're having thoughts of suicide or you're thinking about hurting yourself, call or text someone. Just talk to someone about it, it's okay! And if you feel like you're going to get judged, call the National Suicide Hotline