I should have known when your lips began to feel hostile, cold, and rough.
Your lips now apprehended mine.
I should have known from the day the butterflies in my stomach turned into spiders crawling on my skin.
Our conversations were so circular.
You doing something wrong.
Me always apologizing.
I’m sorry I made you mad last night.
But it’s ok, it was my fault I upset you.
The fear in my eyes
I never thought I would have to say this but,
You should never fear someone you supposedly love.
I should have known when I would always make excuses for you,
Telling them time and time again.
Because maybe if I repeated them enough I could get myself to believe my own lies.
Believing that it was just an off day or I made your anxiety run high.
Always blaming it on some mental illness.
Well depression does not give you the right to this type of oppression.
My body was still mine
You can’t just sign once by the “x” on the line.
I love you is not equivalent to a title.
It’s like going to the amusement park,
You have to sign the waiver each time you want to ride.
Now thanks to you I consistently commit myself in serial monogamy
I do all this, to try and forget the way your fingers traced my body.
Because after I finally had the courage to leave you,
I became a visitor in a body with a figure that looks like mine but does not quite fit.
When I look in the mirror all I see is a ghost of myself,
Now I search within others to try and find those pieces you cut out.
I don’t know how to exist alone anymore,
Because you made me into this hollow shell always looking for more.
You left wounds on my soul.
But it's okay.
I should have known.