Why me? Why PTSD? Why bipolar? Why an alcoholic father? Why a detached mother? Why no childhood? Why did my grandpa and my boyfriend deserve cancer? Why do I deserve to be broken, not only mentally, but physically too? In dark and lonely nights, I've thought long on the one word, "Why?" I thought while I was curled in a ball of tears after my father had just told me to kill myself and handed me a knife, wondering WHY was I even here still? WHY was I on this earth? What is the point in my life? Since that day, I have slowly tried to put the puzzle pieces of this world together in my head. In a world that makes sense, one would say it's karma. Which in a sense, I believe it is. But what if we are just living this life this way because in our past life, maybe we didn't treat others the way we should have. So if being forced through this hardship because of past mistakes/decisions, the only way one would think to win is to make it through without giving up while trying to better yourself and others. Each and every day I believe this more and more. It's the only positive way I can come to terms with it. It's the only way to make sense out of all of it. Even if the worse hasn't yet come.