Why I Was So Insecure?

Everything begin when I was little. My mom wasn't fine. She was always crying, and fighting with my dad. It was really hard to see. My mom was out of control. Even she forgets that she has two daughters, and she was always speaking to the phone with his friends. She forgets that we have to eat, and study because in that time we need help for studying. But she forgets all of that.

One time, she try to kill herself. But it wasn't just one time, it was various time. But I didn't know. I was just a child trying to learn about life faster that it supposed to.

My mom had a mental problem, but we didn't know it until my dad took the decision to put her in a mental health hospital. It was for her own good. But in that time I didn't know that.

I was just scared. I was trying to grow up faster to help my little sister, and help my dad with the things of the house.

Mom's are supposed to make you feel in that age that you can do anything. That you can have fun, but also you have to study. To help you with the first friend's issues. And educated you about things like menstruation when it comes, and etcetera.

Mom's do that. But my mom can't.

But then, my mom got out of the hospital and she was sleeping all the time. The medications do that to her. She was in some way better that before. But not good enough because she wasn't wanted to see us; his daughters. And that was really, really hard.

My mom has a bipolar disorder, with depression, anxiety, and something else that I don't remember at the moment.

Eventually, my mom got better. But I forget to tell how was I. I change. In the road, meanwhile my mom was getting better, I wasn't. I wasn't value myself very much. I always had panic attacks in the school, and I was really scared with being alone. I pretend almost all the time, that I was seeing stranger things so in that way, my mom wasn't gonna leave me again. But also, I suffer from bullying because of my jaw. My jaw is really large, but it is an ortodoncist problem. I still have it, because the surgery is really expensive.

From that moment onwards, I was feeling insecure all the time. Not just insecure, I was feeling like in public I was scared of saying what I thought. I was scared of what other people said about me.

I go through all of that, but here I am. I'm now in university studying psychologyst, and I'm okay with who am I now. Time heals my wounds, and now it is just the past that shows me that I needed to go through that experience in order to being who am I today.

A strong, different, and confident woman.

So, if you want feel free to share with me one of your black and white moments. I'm here to all of you. Because after all we have that in common.

See you around, xoxo T.