I remember how it was...
Laying in bed every single night until I'd fall asleep...praying... I was never really that religious but... there was something that I wanted so desperately... a boy... just one boy to prove me wrong, to take away all the confusion and the fear. One boy who I could fall in love with and be to tell myself I'm not gay after all... I know you understand. You're the one living it.
There is so much I know that you need to hear but you and I know the truth and even though one of us has ever said it out loud, I know it's the only thing you're ever really thinking about. It's the reason you feel sick before volleyball practice. Why you can't focus in school and why you sit in your car as long as you can before coming inside every night. It's the reason that you can't fall asleep and the reason sometimes you'd rather not wake up. You had this whole idea of what your life was gonna be, so did your parents. I mean everyone thinks they know who you are, and you're so scared that you're gonna disappoint them... that you're gonna loose them...
You're gonna realize that it feels so much better to have one person really know you and love you than to have a hundred people love you and never really know you.
I know it's scary to feel so out of control of a huge part of your life. I know that the world feels so big, and you feel completly alone. I know you'd give absolutely anything to change this... I know you're hurting. All I wanna do is reach through and give you a hug and let you know that evertyhing is going to be okay... but listen to me when I say... The struggle you're going throught right now is gonna make you so strong... it's gonna make you so proud. They say sadness is just the absence of happiness...the more you hurt only means the stronger you've ever felt love.
Consider yourself lucky,
One day soon all oof the anxieties and sleepless nights are gonna make the sound sleeps you'll have more beautiful than some people could ever understand. You're going to appreciate every little thing. There's one thing I belive in this world more than everything: Everyone deserves to fall in love. YOU deserve to fall in love ant not to ruin the suprise but you're gonna get to fall in love with a girl and it's gonna feel like your heart is on fire. Listen, you;re just gonna trust me on that, because there's really no words to describe it.
I'm gonna tell you a secret, of course, you'll figure this out on your own but...
One day, you're gonna go into the abyss and your going to set up a little camp with a tall white flag surrending yourself who you are and one day, other people in that abyss, just like you, they're gonna see that flag, and you're going to help them surrender to themselves who they truly are... and even thought I know it sucks not having a flag to guide you...your flag is gonna guide others and you'll never feel more proud of anything.
It turns out you're not so different and you're defenitely not alone. I know you don't feel this way right now but... I love you.