When people ask him how it all started, Dean will say, „With sparks flying.“ Only very few people know how literal he means that. When he met Cas, the lights in that barn exploded like fireworks. Cas’d never admit it, but since he actually can walk into a building without causing all the lights to explode, Dean is pretty sure that he did it for effect. Cas will say he wasn’t used to occupying a vessel. But truth is, he is a drama queen.

That was the first time they met, but Dean would have never guessed, where it would all lead one day. Quite frankly, he had been terrified. He hadn’t known what Cas was. For all he knew, he was a demon. And a powerful one at that, lifting his sorry ass out of hell and all that. But very soon he found that having an angel on your shoulder can be equal parts helpful and annoying.

The looming Apocalypse forced them to become allies and somehow, along the way, they became something like friends. And then Cas saved his life, changing the story as it was written. That was the first time he died for him. It wouldn’t be the last. But it didn’t occur to Dean until a year after they met, how much he had actually come to like the angel. Zachariah zapped him into the future where Dean met a version of Cas that he can still see sometimes, when he closes his eyes. He was so broken and desperate. Dean is more than relieved that that future didn’t come to pass.

He didn’t admit it to himself back then, didn’t admit it for a long time, but he was slowly but surely falling in love with this angel. Those feelings were creeping up on him, taking Dean by surprise. Had he thought any of this possible, falling in love with an angel – an angel occupying a male vessel at that – maybe he would’ve had a chance to stop himself from falling this hard. But as it was, he ignored all the signs. He told himself that Cas was like a brother to him, like Sam, and every faster beating of his heart and every suspicious tug in his stomach got filed away and shoved down and not looked at too closely. If Dean is honest to himself, and he seldom is, then he may have known about what was going on for a long time. He just refused to think about it. Because he was Dean fucking Winchester and if he knew one thing for sure it was the fact that he was a ladies’ man.

And maybe, just maybe, he was afraid of where it all might lead.