I'm at home. I just came home. I came home and just went straight to the garden. We have a big garden, so I just walked all the way to the otherside and fell down in the grass. I felt the sun raising from my toes to my face. And in that second I felt invinsable. I felt like I was running the world. Like there was nobody that could defeat me. But there was a voice inside my head that kept talking on the background. I was trying so hard not to listen to it. But I had to, because it's the truth. At one point I got to listen to that voice, so maybe I better start right away.

I'm sick. I willl die in a few years, months or even days. I've got this odd sickness, but I can't remember the name. I've got a sickness, it sounds weird. I don't like to say it, I don't want to say it, I want say it. My father is the only one who knows, because he had to go to all the docters with me. But he's the only one who knows and who will know. I don't want people to feel guilty or sorry for me. I want to spend the rest of my life, how little that might be, alive. I want to live, I want to run, I want to fly, I want to do everything. I want to love, I want to cheer, I want to cry, I just want to be fully alive for as long as I can.

At some point I am going to die. There will be no cheer, no joy. So I am going to spend the rest of my life cheering and enjoying everything there is. I am going to be this girl that is always happy, a girl that wants to live, a girl that is going to live the best life.