Hello friend ! Today I have decided to share my life and my opinions and everything that goes on in the storms of my brain.Do you ever feel like you there are so many things you want to do , so many ideas one after another that you kinda feel overwhelmed ?.Im not a very happy person I admit I rarely go out I have watched about 80 tv shows in 5 years full seasons and Im obssesed with book characters ,I stan way to many people and im part of way to many fandoms .There is something inside of me that its just waiting to burst like a explosion that just needs a match ,all I ever wanted to do is help people ,to at least make one persons day or just make someone crack a smile ,this year has been tough ,more than the others I tried to commit suicide now I know nobody would want to read this thats why im writing it because i know this will just be like my personal diary.So as i was saying tough ducking year ,so im taking a year of high school it was hard convincing my parents but they know my mental state and how i spent two weeks in a mental hospital so thats fixed but i dont know what to do with my free time .I paint and I write I have a lot of books to read and im thinking of doing this thing where i teach myself using internet ,like teach myself what i really want to learn like about feminism ,about important figures that fought for equality between all people ,I wana learn about art and how the human mind works ,I wana learn about astronomy and everything there is to learn but just for myself you know ,i dont want to be graded and stressed out about it to the point I hope a truck runs me over .I made this plan i have all i need ,Im bilingual english is kind of not my first language but I simultaneously learnt it with my mothers language but I love languages so I wana learn more I started learning Italian and Spanish so I will keep you updated on that .I was born in Kingston UK and I lived there for my first 3 years then we moved back to my parents country dont try to guess you wont find it .I was always different from everyone they always told me you dont belong here and not in a mean way they just saw that i never had the same views and ideas as my peers .Im a feminist ,LGBTQ+ community supporter and I talk english in my everyday life with my friends who know are semi fluent because of me I hate fighting but I cant count the number of fights i ve had with everyone around me about human rights .Always the odd one out Rose Deen the one who reads in between classes ,the one that was best friends with the most popular kids of the school but never hanged with their group,who always loved hanging with the group of guys that talked about technology and movies because they truly made her laugh,the one who was never on class pictures because she was the one taking them and she liked it that way because she hated her whole entire self.I was doing good normal i will never know what changed what gave me social anxiety and made me a deppresed fangirl never leaves her house and idolises misha collins.Today my friend and I were talking and I dont understand how I never feel a connection with any of my friends exept for kind of one but she was toxic for me and when i realized that I ended it so she is out of my life .Do you ever feel like the friends you have/had are not the friends you deserve like you need a friends who will get you and will listen to you and its not just one sided ?Do you ever feel like you need someone that you will have that ride or die thing with ?Do you ever feel that you kinda sometimes want a cliche movies best friend friendship ? Because if you do than i hear you ./