Here's the thing: I've had writer's block for so long now, that trying to make sense of anything I write is useless now. So, I've started trying to just write through that feeling. It's hard, I want to make my writing poetic and beautiful, because I'm an artist, and that's what I've always done, but right now I just cant.

So, I've been journalling like crazy, writing long journal entries that dont make any sense and start off being about one thing, and then end up being about a completely different thing altogether. My writing doesn't sound as beautiful or artistic as I would like it to- but it is honest. My journals are full of hope and love, and fear, loads and loads of fear. So I am learning about myself, what I'm afraid of, why I'm afraid. And I might not specifically be creating art, but in my own way I guess I am.

This has been a year of self discovery. I found out I'm allergic to cats, and then I cried, and I wrote about it in my journals. I wrote about how having cats was what I always wanted, and my parents would never let me have a cat, and then I found out I was actually allergic to cats, and I was so sad, and it also seemed funny, in it's own way, that the thing I've wanted my whole life, is actually bad for me.

So I am writing, I'm writing this now, for you, but mostly for myself. And that's another thing I learned this year. Everything I write is for myself, not for anyone else. And I guess that's why I'm a writer. I can't make sense of my emotions, or my thoughts, without writing them down in a very nonsensical way, with no structure, no sense of art about it at all. And that to me, is how I know that really this entire time I have been creating art, even though I've had intense artistic blocks. My writing doesn't have to be beautiful, and it doesn't have to make sense at first, but later, when I go back, I realise that actually, the fact that my writing doesn't make sense, is the only point I have to be making, because nothing makes sense, my mind doesn't make sense sometimes, life doesn't make sense sometimes, and that's what makes life so beautiful, and that is what makes life ART.