DEAR THE FIRST …
You’ve taught me a lot. You’ve taught me how to give it all; talk about dreams, fantasies, without the fear. You’ve taught me to always put love in front of pride, to be patient and if I really want something so bad, it can be accomplished. You’ve taught me that the purpose of beauty is not in the dress, the heels, the hairstyles and the makeup, but in the dreamy eyes every morning, in the old sweatpants and your shirt that has become my favorite. You’ve taught me that „you“, as if men, are the simplest in the world, that it is difficult to make you angry, but when you get angry there is a really good reason. You have taught me that embrace and silence apply more than consecutive kisses and that you guys want us to be a bitch when needed, and saints at all other times. You’ve learned me how it is nice to hope for someone and fell asleep with a smile on my lips, and actually how hard it is to sleep now because life with you was a real dream.
BUT you’ve taught me something else … You’ve taught me that after you, it was hard to believe again, in men, in me, in love. You taught me how to cry; cry and curse what happened. You have taught me to not believe in love anymore, to build a wall around me so high, no one could reach it. You taught me the true definition of “pain” is, the inner one, the worst that can happen. You taught me, that after you I drink one glass more, always and that I smoke more often. You taught me how to hate you and the whole male race, you taught me how to lose the other part and be afraid, like a little baby when he lost his mother.

DEAR the First … I don’t blame you, actually, I want to thank you that you happened, without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

DEAR THE SECOND…
You taught me something I didn’t believe in years. You have taught that there are always other chances, other people, other happiness, other love. Never like the first, but similar, with a little less glare and shine in the eyes, with a little less sleepless nights. You have taught that it’s not terrible to believe again, but it’s difficult to love them the other way around. You’ve taught me how that there is happy in the “happy end” and to believe there is someone for me. You taught me to feel less pain, to drink moderately and to smoke cigarettes just when the well-known song starts to play, and the old shadows start to play right here, on the left side. You’ve taught me how to get back an old part of myself.
DEAR THE SECOND… Thank you for giving me faith in love again, and forgive me that I left. You’ve returned my beliefs in everything I once lost, even if you were a wrong person. Forgive me.

DEAR THE THIRD …
You didn’t happen yet, but you will, soon, I feel it closer and closer each day. I want to be the teacher now and teach you all the things about me and how I am what I am. I want to talk about everything and everyone, and I will, you’ll see I just need to be patient. I want you to know where I got all of my scars and why I wear that old shirt for sleep, I know you won’t be angry. I want to talk about dreams, ideas, imaginations, about the cities I want to visit and beaches I want to go together. I want to show you how much I am willing to love again, give you my soul and body, like I did once ,like I did the first time. I want to teach you everything I know, and I want you to teach me everything you know. Every little thing, every flaw and imperfection, every detail of you, your eyes, your hair, your hands, your scar and all the habits, the desires, the fears and dreams, I want to know everything. I want you to be the one that I’ll say “yes” to and plan a future with you.
DEAR THE THIRD … I hope you will be the last one.

-M.B.