I would get it, you know.
If that’s the way you planned it.
I would understand.
All of it.
How you made me wait.
How you didn’t reach out that night
When I was lying on my bedroom floor
Barely being able to breathe
With my hands tangled around my neck.

I would understand
I needed to drown that night
To get fresh air into my lungs.

If that’s how you have it all in mind
I wouldn’t hold that night against you.
I wouldn’t make you relive it through my eyes.

I would only hold you
And whisper that you’re all I ever wanted,
The way I ever wanted.

If today was hope
And a screaming whisper telling me to hold on
I promise I’ll let go of that grudge
Cause you seem to know what you’re doing

If you have it all figured out
Getting me there and capturing me by your glance
I will let down my guard
And burn all the pages that tell how much I hate you.

But if today was a set-up
A simple game played by the stars above
To fool me once again
Into thinking that you actually care
Into thinking dreams are things you can chase

I will shoot these words like bullets through your heart
And then the pages that tell how much I love you, are the ones that will burn.

-written by Astrid Van wal (@writingaboutyou)