if there was one emotion to pick on how i am currently feeling it would be stress. i've felt stressed everyday for i don't know how many years. it might be due to my overthinking or maybe depression and anxiety but all i know is i want it gone.

every second, minute, and hour of the day my mind races with so many thoughts that i don't know what to do with myself. i feel so helpless and like such a waste of space because i don't fall under what is considered "normal" whether it is in school or in society in general.

i am my own bully, i am the only person that makes me sad. i am the person that tells myself that i'm not good enough or that when i try my best it isn't enough. people say that you shouldn't care what other people think, and i don't. i care what i think of myself, but i feel that i don't deserve the happiness that i want. i constantly remove myself from stuff that makes me happy.

i want help don't get me wrong, but i feel like no one can "fix" me. i don't trust many people, and i can never pinpoint when it started.

i have so much that i have to do. for most people 5 or 6 things for homework is no problem but i seem to lack the motivation to do so. when i start to think too much or even just eat food i start to feel really drained. it might be the fact that i don't eat as much as i should nor do i eat the healthiest plus the depression and anxiety. it makes a huge self destructive storm in my body that sadly no one in my family understands.

i'm starting to fall asleep so goodnight
p.s i think i'm getting sick (yay me -_-) plus my spelling and grammar are probably horrible.