Before I decided to write this article, I had never really had a “bad” experience with a crush. All my crushes were light hearted, soft and gentle, never soul-crushing and sad. Let's take a tour upon a few of my history of crushes, to just give you all a good perspective.

My first crush I remember was in preschool. His name was Jonathan, and he was this Hispanic, tall boy, that I, and nearly every girl in the classroom was head over heels for. You know how in preschool and kindergarten, the bathrooms are separated by gender, of course, but there aren't individual stalls? There was this tornado warning at preschool once, and like anyone who lives in an area like mine, knows that warnings mean head straight for the closest bathroom, and pray for a good outcome. So all of us in the classroom rushed to the girl's bathroom, it being the closest one and all. And it resulted, that I really had the urge to pee. Oblivious to how embarrassing this would be in the future, five year old me pulled down her pants in front of the whole classroom, and peed without a care in the world. Jonathan did not talk to me again. Not that I cared, really. A crush to me in that age meant nothing compared to counting to twenty and learning the complicated alphabet.

Next up on the line was a boy, well, actually, two boys from my first grade class. Yet again, they were Hispanic, no surprise. One was the cousin to my best friend, named William, and whom I liked first. And then the other, was my second closest friend, Ken. (Unnecessary fact: Both of them are still friends to this day!) William was the epitome of your classic shy, and smart boy. He had a cute smile, always played with me, and he liked me back too! Ken then came, as the new kid, and little me then fell for him, even though he was not half as sweet as William. We were all friends. I never expected anything from either of them. And they never expected anything from me. I think we all would have remained friends if I had not moved to another school.

And during the grades of fifth to ninth grade, I liked the same guy. He too, was the cousin to another best friend of mine. He was funny and sweet to me even though I was mean to him. He was three years older than me, and I always knew I had no chance with him, but I never really cared. I just cared about him and his happiness, and didn't care if it was with me or not. You'd think this too long crush would be the one that would break me, but nope. Wasn't the case.

It was Alan. This one boy, two years younger than me, with his big glasses and his weird pitched tone of voice (not too weird, calm down), that made me fall the hardest. I see Alan twice a week, if I am blessed enough. We go to the same church, same youth group, and I occasionally get to talk to him. He's this social bee, that is so nice to everyone, and is, literally, the easiest person to talk to. He cracked into me, without even trying to. He soon became one of the things I most looked forward to seeing and talking to. The one I only wanted to talk to when at church. The one I wished to know absolutely all about. It made me excited and happy and joyful, but it also made me devastatingly sad when I didn't even get to speak a single word to him. I was convinced though, that I was to marry him. I literally made so many expectations, so many hopes and wishes. Just from seeing and interacting with him less than three hours a week.

A bit ridiculous, right?

Well, even when I knew, I knew, deep within me, that the illusions I was creating were absolutely hopeless, I still went with it. I mean, I had created some fantasies with previous crushes, what was the difference in doing it this time?

And here I am. Writing this with a somewhat broken heart. I am sure there are worse experiences to come, though. I can only hope and pray that I learn from each of those experiences, and better myself in the process like I am now.

I went too far. I realize and acknowledge that now.

He didn't even do anything wrong. We got to talk with one another for a while. But it all crumbled when my bubble was popped. When I realized that this boy was not mine to be jealous of, to expect so much from, and to let him take so much of me when he isn't giving me of him.

I still like him. I still ache for him to like me back. But coming to my senses and retracting from my reckless actions, was the best thing I could have done for myself, and even for Alan.

What I am trying to get through to all of you, don't expect more than what your crush, or even your significant other, has told you to expect. Don't assume too much. Analyze his actions and words, but don't add of what you hope to get from him.

Don't get carried away with your emotions for him. Your emotions will fool you, don't always trust and be led by them.

It's okay to daydream about your crush, just remember to not let them become so much of a reality for you, that you're devastated when you realize it's not.

Don't make your crush a priority. Not yet. Not until he shows you, that he wants to make of you, a priority as well.

And also, don't always trust what your friends tell you. “Girl, he definitely likes you. How could he not?” Of course he could not! They're trying to hype you up, and feel confident about the situation, but it's not always the best thing to listen to.

Be blunt with yourself. Don't sugarcoat anything. If he isn't texting you back, it's most likely the case he doesn't care enough to. If he prefers hanging out with his guys, he is certainly not making it a priority to get to know you better.

It's the best thing you can do to help you avoid being heartbroken whenever you snap out of your wonderland.

Hope this helps you all!

I apologize if I ranted just a bit too much there.

Thank you reading, dears!

“Yes, you are, and yes, you can.” Something Alan said to me, and that I will attempt to remember forever.