for the longest time, my biggest fear has been failure.

to fail in school, to fail in life, to fail my family, to fail my friends.

quickly my fear turned in to anxiety. i couldn't do anything without the clouds of fear hanging on my head. sometimes i get so anxious, so scared, that i go numb. my body feels paralyzed.

sometimes i'm so scared to fail, that i don't even try. i argue with myself; that maybe if i don't try at all, then i don't set myself up for failure.

but life doesn't work like that, at all.

i have to fail. you have to fail. we have to fail. and i hate it.

i don't see the ''lessons'' behind failures.

i get it, to some extent... i've failed many times, but have still reached my goal. i've failed, but still managed to get up.

but failures are tiring. they're so incredibly tiring. i've cried and bled. for what? to learn a lesson, to become patient?

// 1 am thoughts