I promised myself that things will be different... I promised yet I broke almost every promise that I made to myself. I realized that when I promise someone else something I keep that promise yet when I promise myself I don't. My stupid mind is batteling itself and I don't know what to do. I am so lost. I am still suffering from binge eating disored and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to motivate myself to workout and eat helathy. I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. And yet on the other hand I know exactly what to do, all I need to do is stop, but I can't. Some things seem so simple but they end up the most difficult things in the world. Like saying sorry for example, It seems so easy, all you have to do is say one word, but it is the hardest thing to do. I don't know where I am going with this.. I guess I am trying to deal with my emotions by writing even tho no one will read it. I just need to vent, to someone, to something..
I gotta tell ya tho, I don't feel sad and I don't feel happy, I just feel numb and empty.. Nothing makes me excited and I am so done... I need to change... My heart is burning from desire for change, even the smallest one.. I need to make myself right again, no one else can do that, only I can...
no more waiting, no more "i am gonna do it tomorrow, no more "i don't feel like it", i am gonna get out there and kill it.... you know why? because I am enough. I WAS ALWAYS ENOUGH, it's just that depression and disorders took me to understand that and validate my own damn self.