Today is the worst day of my life
Today i've been asked if i was okay so many times , too many and every single time i answered so emotionlessly , so vain and empty that i was fine , i lied brushing words -like whispers on my lips , until i no longer could fathom the sounds my ears caught and my brain registered as people's voices before they just became faded muffles in the background of the million thoughts rushing through my mind .
I feel the big lump in my throat that i so inefficiently tried to swallow growing with every tear i hold back , my chest heavy making breathing such a hard task to fulfill .

Today i lost the person i counted on , trusted with my own life
The only person that stood by my side at all times , even when i screwed up
Today I lost the person i need the most .

Today i lost my mom .

My heart is broken , shattered beyond repair .
It hurts like hell .

She was all i had left . But now she's gone I have nothing . No one
I wanna be a kid again , it was so much easier when i was younger , believing that my father just went out to run some errands , that's he'll come back and hug me saying that he's sorry for taking so long
But you know ... I only stopped believing that when my mother told me after a couple of years of waiting for him that it was a lie , that he'll never come back ... That he can't come back . Now being much older , knowing the hurtful truth that she's gone , forever .. Makes it unbearable

I'm a wreck ... I can't do this , i can't do this without her

The house ... That used to be our house is filled with faces i haven't seen in such a long time , pained expressions , solely cold tears ... But somehow ... I feel so lonely ..
So many agonizing sobs around me But i'm quiet , my eyes sting , my heart aches but ... I'm quiet
I never thought that i can stay still , looking at a blank wall for so many hours but that's what i've been doing the whole day , i just just stare at a white wall and occasionally choke on my own tears .

I slowly regain my consciousness and awareness when i feel my body shaking and hear my name being called out . it's time ..... i get to see her beautiful face for one last time before her body is buried in the ground to dissolve .

My knees can't handle but buckle at the sight of her lifeless body , her pale face , and my mind can't help but remember all the memories , hugs , smiles and laughs we had ..
That is when i feel my head hitting the floor hard , my vision blurring 'till all i can see is darkness .

And there i lay next to her wishing i can somehow bring her back .

/// Sad writing is my kind of writing *,*