You feel like every kind thing people say about you is just an illusion, because you don't feel like that about yourself.
It is not like you don't believe people,it is just that you are unable to feel good about yourself.
And you live your life constantly in pain and regret,thinking about all mistakes you have made...
Stuck in the past.
Not caring about future.
But still existing for the few people who love you because you don't want them to hurt if you go away.
But so many times you find yourself in your room crying and in so much pain you feel like you will fall apart.
But you pick yourself up again and again wondering how many times will you be able to do that.
Stuck in your dark mind, fighting your demons and don't know for what...Why do you fight?
Maybe for the chance to see your mom smile again,
Or for the chance to see another sunrise and actually have a small hope you will feel something nice that day.
But so scared that you will stumble again and break down.
And the thing that keeps you up at night is the thought of how much pain is waiting for you and will you ever be saved by someone...
So you try to escape listening to music that says everything you fail to say to anyone in person.
You lose yourself in art,in the poems and movies...
And you hope for the strenght to make it through another day.

Now I know:
You are just in pain.
You are not useless.
You are not ugly,because you have a beautiful soul.
You are so strong.
And I wish you all the best things in life.
Keep holding on...

- Mikaela