Dear…,
You have ruined me! You came into my life with force after I tried ignoring you and didn’t want you here, only for you to destroy everything I created and believed. In the past years of my life I created this wall like boundary that few people could get past. Somehow, don’t ask me how, you got past it. I absolutely hate you for doing that. I’ve only known you for what, four months. I have a question, how’d you do it? The last guy it took seven years for me to realize he got in, granted he had gotten further than you, you got in!?! You made me like you and I realized that a couple months back, but hid it from you and even myself. I find it funny that you thought I hated you, shows how good that wall is right. I hate you for making me like you by the way. These past few weeks have sucked, because I let out every feeling and lit it all get to me. My mind wants to blow up! All these thoughts and questions I have that no one can answer. These thoughts have taken over and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything, but them. I fall asleep thinking about them, then I cry wanting answers. Why? Why am I hurting myself? Why do I like you? Why? You even asked me that one and you know as much as I do there, I don’t know. I want to know, I want to stop hurting and feeling sick in more ways than one and feeling that maybe if I knew I could try to stop it. But since I don’t know I just hate you for making me feel like this! You’re right, you’re not ready for a relationship, but I am and I have the feeling it can't be you, but you have this hold over me that you and I both need to let go of. You’re probably thinking now how do you let go? I’m not sure of that either, but I think maybe we need to just stop talking and being around each other. Being around you hurts so much. I thought a weekend away would help, but all I wanted to do was see and talk to you and when it didn’t help I thought maybe just be friends, but that hurts even more; so I'm just not sure what to do. Seeing you with other girls I feel jealous and when I get around you I just get angry with myself and take it out on you. I need to let go and you need to let me go. So help me with that, because I want, no I need to be free of this hold. Help me please, cause you’re not ready for a relationship and most of all I know you don’t feel the same about me and I’m hurting and I need it to go away. I want to be happy again. Truly happy!
Sincerely Yours