Ok this would have to be the scariest article I've decided to put out, honestly very nervous about it. In this article I'm going to be writing exactly what I wrote in my journal when I went through a difficult time. I met a guy who was nothing but toxic to me. Now I look back and realise I wasn't in love with him but I was in love with the idea of love. The rest of this article will consist of what I wrote the night I cried most about him. Some of these don't make sense I guess that explains the wreck I was in.

- some will come and go but I'll still listen to the playlist you made me.
- you punch me with love that the after bruise will swell.
- do you miss me like I miss you.
- those poems never made it to the end, they never got passed out.
- you left so quickly why'd I even decide on staying.
- you rip me up into too many pieces that I've forgotten what the original me was like.
- I left a message, a message that meant the world to me but meant nothing to you.
- you search for me in her good luck with that, honey she's just a girl. I'm a woman.
you moved on so quick and I was left to try and drive myself out but I drove myself insane.
- Your eyes were stingingly beautiful but who knew those same eyes would cause tears in my very own.
- you needed space but that drove me away, for I doubted that anything more would happen between our very close but different soul.
- you brought hope when I didn't need it.
- they say your fake, all those smiles and laughs around me o darling I'm sorry I've made you that way.
- she is she and me is me don't get it twisted.
- you have something so beautiful about you but I fear that could be a mask you wear.
- why was it so easy for you to go?
- he said to sing hallelujah for it was his favourite, till this day I wonder why?
- I'm sorry you're the way you are I thought I was the one to change you but I ended up changing myself.
- Just call and make it better even if too much trust is lost.
- I wish I could've been your resolution I pray that you'll find it someday somehow.
- they said don't do it. It's my fault for trusting you.
- closure was all I asked for and you couldn't even give me that. How could I of expected anything more?
- I hope one day our souls will meet and it won't be so bitter.
- I fear that the songs you listen to aren't about me anymore because the songs I listen to still connect to you.
- never knew someone could need so much space. I still try to figure out what drove you away.
- the sign always makes my heart come out of my chest.
- you act so happy around me but I see no playlist that resembles that joy.
- why do I care when you don't.
- these aren't the poems I planned on writing.
- I cried so much that you made me sick.
- hearts are meant to ignite together not try and outshine each other.
- I told you I wrote poems but these ones are easier to write than when we used to talk.
- you said I had brown eyes of an angel but those before me had the same brown eyes.
- you added a song by my favourite artist why am I always looking for signs. It's all over right? Then why are you listening to songs where the lyrics mean more than the actual music or is there someone else?
- there probably is I'm sorry for missing you, you would think I'ver learnt by now.
- i got a glimpse of your eyes, they don't look the same as before. I wonder if you thought the same.
- I was new at this game sorry I suck at playing. I can see you have more experience.
- they explained you were different but that's not always a good thing. I was too brainwashed to think it was a good thing.
- I'm glad I met you but also wish I never did.
- my time spent crying is over now.
- I must let you go.

city, couple, and night image
I have late conversations with the moon. She tells me about the sun. I tell her about you.

That was the complete raw version of what I had in my journal three months ago. In many ways I didn't realise how bad he was for me, I guess that's what happens in a toxic relationship. He could make me feel good but at the same time would treat me horribly. Looking back I'm so glad I didn't commit to anything. I've come a long way emotionally and I'm happy that he is someone that isn't a part of my life anymore. Once he left so did the toxicity, I found myself laughing and enjoying life. More importantly I could be free from the chains he put on me. Man. I really appreciate it if you've read this far. Sending hearts from me to you. I want to for sure write more about this topic in another article but base it more towards advice I would give if you are in a toxic/ hurtful relationship. If you feel as though you are in one please get out of it, do yourself a favour. You can do this. I believe you can.

Love always
Sarah x