it's a vicious cycle, really. I get hungry, so I gorge myself in carbs, dairy and every unhealthy thing you could imagine. I have the skin that any girl would wish for, but the body people would be damned if they had. Each pound I gain, I drift farther and farther away from you. I have considered going back to my old habits of purging, but restrain. I've never looked in the mirror and said "hey, that's me. And I'm beautiful". I've always looked at myself as the elephant in the room, quite literally. I've never found myself pretty. I can never see any guy finding me remotely attractive. Wanting to hug me, kiss me, have sex with me. Never. I am an ugly, fat being. I can't stop myself from eating. It fills the emotional hole that is you. I do it consciously too. But I brush the fact that what I am doing is bad for me aside. "I'll feel bad later, yes. But I'll deal with that, well, later." I say as I stuff my face. And now, as I sit here with a sick feeling in my stomach, I regret it. Each and every god damn time. I regret it. You'll never find me pretty.